My Last Goodbye

The last time I saw you before the adoption took place was one of Joy, Pain, Sorrow and Love. There were so many emotions swirling around us that it almost took my breath away. I didnt want to say goodbye. I didnt want to give you away. I wanted you with me ALWAYS, I wanted to see your smile be the first thing I saw when I woke up and the last thing I saw when I went to sleep. I wanted my arms to grow weary of carrying you everywhere I go. But I knew I had to let go of you. Holly and Kelly brought you to a park and we all sat in some shade on the grass. This is what I told you before giving you to them for the last time:

"If you ever wake up and wonder about me, wonder if I love you, I want you to take a step outside and notice that my love surrounds you.

My love is like the grass we sit on, with each passing day it grows taller and taller just as my love for you grows with each day that you are alive and well. No matter what makes you think that my love is less, my love is more every single day I know that you are happy and well cared for.

My love is also like the sun that shines in our eyes. It is so many miles away from us and yet we still feel its warmth wrap around us. Just the way my love for you will surround and protect you no matter how many miles apart we are. It will remain constant, steady and strong and shine brighter every day.

Just as those trees in the distance sit in the glory of the sun they will also be washed in darkness just as you will have both light and dark in your future I want you to remember one thing. The dark only makes the light more precious, it only makes us appreciate it more. For every dark there is a light that comes after and I want you to hold on to that. Never give up when you are in middle of the dark, you never know when the light will come next and what joy it may bring.

I dont want you to think of this adoption as me giving you away. I want you to think of it as you being a precious gift for this new family who will love and cherish you as much as I do. You are their dream and their life now and that is an amazing thing. You are making their family whole and happy. You. Just by living, breathing, you have such an impact on everyone you touch and meet.

I know that life will get hard sometimes but always look towards the good in people and in situations regardless of how hard it may be at times. You started your life with both good and bad but I protected you from all the bad, I cloaked you in the happy feelings and experiences and I want that to continue. Your Moms will fight for you but one of lifes hardest lessons will be how to fight for yourself. You are strong. You made it clear when you beat the odds and came early and fought yourself healthy. My blood runs through you and because of that you have my strenght and determination. With Holly and Kelly to mold you into the person you will become I cant imagine you having a more perfect life. I cant wait to hear every minute of it. One day."

You are forever in my thoughts and dreams,
Jess, Your Tummy Mom